Dear Christmas,

We always knew this letter would happen. As children born on your eve, it has been utter chaos to disclose our birthday to anyone on the street. Who else has to endure a stranger screaming “Oh my god, CHRISTMAS EVE?!?!,” when all you want to hear is happy birthday.

Are we resentful? Maybe. But we also think it’s freaking weird that Christmas provokes these reactions from people. From infancy, children are exposed to a red-nosed reindeer, talking snowmen, and Christmas lights everywhere you look. And that’s only the beginning.

As soon as Halloween ends, Santa Claus is coming to town. Suddenly every store begins to display neon red and green lights–a color combo that is not giving what it should. Whoever thought that these colors would be cute together had terrible taste, and now the public has to deal with the consequences. 

We know it may come as a shock, but Christmas is one day only. There is zero logic in having stores for a holiday open year-round. Who’s deciding to pop in on a Wednesday night in the middle of March looking for a cute ornament? Psychopaths? You tell us. 

Not only that, but the public has somehow decided that bigger is better. Normal Christmas trees to display at home should be good enough for people. However, someone somewhere decided that putting gigantic trees in the middle of a city is aesthetic and not frightening. We beg to differ. 

Saving our most important point for last: no one should be subjected to Christmas music without consent. If you choose it, that’s your own business. But the general public should not be forced to listen to it every time they are trying to buy chapstick. 

Don’t get us wrong, we love everything to do with holiday cheer and kindness. We just think Christmas shouldn’t overshadow the entire month of December (and November and basically the entirety of fall).

Sincerely, two Jews who don’t want their birthday to be overshadowed by Christmas,

Jo and Norah