Dear beloved freshman, congrats–you have successfully made it to Jackson-Reed High School! We are happy to have you. This year is sure to be a rollercoaster of emotions, but don’t you worry–we’ve got you covered. In this guide, you’ll find instructions complete with all the necessary survival tips to succeed as a freshman.

1. Join All the Clubs 

To survive at JR, making connections is key, and what better way to do that than by joining every single club the school offers? Here we have a plethora of clubs to choose from: chess club, robotics club, the lost and found treasure hunters, underwater basket weaving, the school lunch food critics, and many more! Join all of them. It doesn’t matter if you have zero interest or talent in these areas, it’s about collecting badges to put on your college application, right?

2. Navigate the Labyrinth 

What has many wings but cannot fly? Our building of course! From split-level hallways, messed up schedules, gym class on the roof, and history in the boiler room, the five-minute commute between classes always provides ample time to get you where you need to go. We highly recommend not taking the packed staircases between floors – at least not the traditional way. Instead of being in the crowd, be on top of it: crowdsurf your way to class! 

3. Advocate for Yourself

Our school is overcrowded in almost every way; There are 2700 kids in a building built for 1800, not enough teachers, not enough counselors, and not enough space. This makes advocacy of the utmost importance to get anything done, especially as a freshman. Need to speak with your counselor, but they’re too busy? Try incorporating flashing LEDs into outfits. This is sure to get you noticed over other, duller-dressed individuals in the counselor’s suite. Someone cut in front of you in the security line? Scream “NO CUTSIES” to inform them of their wrongdoings, the louder the better. 

In conclusion, dear freshmen, surviving JR is a test of wit, resilience, and a dash of absurdity. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey; we’ve all been there and somehow made it out with our sanity (mostly) intact. So, go forth into this sure-to-be amazing year, brave the chaos, and may your high school experience be filled with bizarre, unforgettable memories.